Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ i feel like i have my own little pharmacy. Now i know there are people who take more pills every day than i do. However this is just how i feel because i hate the idea of taking meds. i now have Flexeril 10mg (muscle relaxer for my shoulder), Motrin 800mg (to help with the pain in shoulder), Midrin (for my migraines), and Vicodin 5/500 (for my back, hips, and shoulder). i have to remember that i can not take the Vicodin and Midrin at the same time; the Midrin and the Motrin can be separated by two hours; the Vicodin, Motrin and Flexeril can all be taken together, the Midrin and Flexeril can be taken together; with the Vicodin and Flexeril i should eat a small snack before i take them to avoid an upset stomach; and the Midrin, Vicodin, and Flexeril all make me very sleepy.

~~~~ As you can tell i saw the Dr. yesterday. He said it does not seem like anything is torn in my shoulder but that there is some kind of impingement of the muscle. i have to go and get x-rays taken of my shoulder, find an Orthopedic Surgeon, and start Physical Therapy for my shoulder. All i have to say is here i go again. So much fun.

~~~~ Though i have to admit i really like this Dr. he is very nice and has a great "bedside manor". i will have to get Son to him soon for his ADHD medications. We will see how Son likes him too. It is not often that a Dr. makes a such a great first impression on me i am usually very reserved with Dr.s and it takes me a while to decide if i like them or not.

~~~~ my crocheting is moving along slowly but steadily we will see how these meds help it pick up. i am working on three different blankets right now. Two of my three brothers are getting blankets made, as well as a baby blanket, and i have other blankets that i started ages go and need to finish. Plus i am going to be making hats, lapghans, shawls, scarves, and neck warms for the cancer treatment center just down the road from my house. Plus a lot of baby blankets to store up for when my friends all have babies. i absolutely love crocheting it is so relaxing and such a stress reliever, plus i can do it and watch tv or a movie, or talk to people in person or on the phone. A few people who have seen me crocheting while i am sitting at a restaurant waiting for my food or have seen me with my finished scarf and book bag have said i should make some of these to sell. i am not sure how to go about this or if i even want to do that. Only time will tell.

~~~~ It has been snowing since last night and is not supposed to stop until sometime tomorrow night. So i am sitting inside my nice warm house looking out the window as i work on my laptop and my crocheting. i am making a new scarf for Son , and one for Roommate too. The work is going slow because my shoulder is still so sore.

~~~~ my mom without being able to look at it or feel it says it sounds like i pulled or tore a muscle. How i did it in my sleep i do not know but i guess i did. She says i need to go to the Dr. to have it checked but i have not done that yet. Until i do she said not to use it much and not to do anything that makes it hurt more. This means no laundry or cleaning because it hurts to lift anything or reach lift my arm higher then level with my shoulder. Just getting dressed is a pain in the shoulder that makes me scream. Putting on my bra is a new experience in finding ways to try and do it that does not reduce me to tears. Not to mention trying to brush my hair i swear my neighbors must think i am being tortured here when i am trying to brush my hair and there is no one home with me at the time because Son is at school and Roommate is at work.

~~~~ But anyway back to the beautiful snow that is falling outside my window. i wish i could be out there in it and just enjoying the beauty of it. my body just does not like the could though. Son is begging to go sledding but by the time Roommate gets home it will be dark and it is too cold to walk to the sledding hill by ourselves. So hopefully the snow will still be nice and thick on the ground in two weeks when Son is here for a weekend and not at his father's so that we can take him sledding. Maybe his father will take him sledding this weekend but i doubt it.

~~~~ Maybe this weekend i can get Roommate to go for a walk with me through the Park Preserves to take some pictures of the snow on the trees and if there is any freshly fallen snow the snow on the train tracks too. i can see the train tracks out my window and they look beautiful right now but it is too dark to get a picture of them i from my back yard i tried. The big oak trees in the front and back yard look so beautiful with the snow on all their branches too. i will try to get pictures of that soon as well.

~~~~ Sitting here watching M*A*S*H the TV series on DVD on my laptop while i work away at my crocheting. This past weekend Son was at his father's and Roommate was up north visiting his mom so i was home alone from Friday morning to Sunday night. i did something to aggravate and hurt my right shoulder and i do not know what i did or how it did it. i woke up Wednesday morning with what a thought was a stiff neck from sleeping funny but it turns out i did something to my shoulder and not my neck.

~~~~ i can not reach to far in front of my without my shoulder hurting and i can not lift my arm any higher then level with my shoulder or i am in tears. This is my right shoulder too so it really limits what i can do. i have been taking it easy and not over doing it but that does not seem to be helping. So i am going to talk to my mom about what i can do to make it better or what i could have done to hurt it.

~~~~ Any way in an effort to take it easy but still get stuff done this weekend i worked on my crocheting all weekend and got two baby blankets done and more done on the queen sized blanket i am making for one of my brothers and his girlfriend. While working on these i sat and watched M*A*S*H and am now up to Season 5. i love M*A*S*H always have since i was little and watched it with my parents. To me it is timeless and i could watch it all day long as i proved this weekend getting through 5 seasons in just a few days. The only thing i do not like about my M*A*S*H DVDs is that the first four seasons did not have a play all option so i had to get up at the end of every episode and go back to the main menu to pick the next episode.

~~~~ i also broke my Fujifilm FinePix a500 camera. It was on the TV table next to my bed and i accidentally kicked over the table in the middle of the night and the camera hit the wooden floor and broke. Now i need to get a new one of those. i found one on EBAY for around $40 and i need to see if i will have any money in time to get.

~~~~ With the year 2009 ending i am taking a look back to see where i have been, where i thought i would be, and where i am. One big thing that has not changed is the fact that i am not yet divorced and i thought i would be by now. i wanted to be divorced and in school but that has not happened yet. i am happy that i have Son with me and living here, that Roommate, Son, and i are all getting along great, and that i have found that i have more strength then i thought i did.

~~~~ With this coming new year i want to be divorced and moving on with my life. i want to go to school and start working towards my goals of becoming a C.O.T.A. and then an O.T. i also want to lose the weight i have gained over the last two years so that i am healthier and happier with myself. With my back and hips the way that they are the more weight that i lose the better until i am down to the recommended weight and size for my height and that is so that i am healthier and in a lot less pain. To reach this goal i am going to start with walking and simple Yoga. When the weather gets nicer i will get out my bike and start taking bike rides with Son, and Roommate if they want to come along.

~~~~ The biggest thing i want to work on learning this new year is to not allow the actions of others to stress me out so much. i cannot control what they do but i can control how i allow it to affect me. The more i let them stress me out the more i let them win and i have had enough of doing that in my life.

~~~~ As far as my crafting goes i want to work on crocheting for charities and friends. i also want to learn to knit. i found a yarn shop near my home that offers knitting lessons and when i have the money i want to take them. i also want to start trying out natural fibers. i have always worked with acrylics and can only really use Caron Simply Soft when it comes to the acrylics because the others are so rough they give me burns like 'rug burns' on my fingers. So maybe some of the natural fibers will be softer and better for my skin.

~~~~ i also want to work on my poetry. Both writing more and getting the project with my friend going. We have been talking about doing it for years and have not been able to get started for one reason or another. We have both had so much going on in our lives.

~~~~ For quit a while now i have been looking for a local yarn shop that i can get supplies at and take knitting lessons. i have asked around to everyone that i know and no one seems to know how to knit that lives near me. Heck most want me to teach them to crochet. i am thinking of charging a couple bucks for lessons and with that they will get a standard set of crochet hooks and a skein of Caron's Simply Soft Yarn in a color of their choice.

~~~~ i have been getting my yarn at the local Michael's Craft Store or from my mom who picks it up at Pat Catan's a craft store in OH. i have been working with acrylics and want to try working with natural fibers. my hands are very sensitive and i can only use yarns that are very soft or i end up with yarn burns (think rug burns) on my fingers from the yarn pulling over my fingers as i crochet. Right now i only use Caron's Simply Soft Yarns. i can pick up some cotton and some wool yarn at Michael's but i really want a larger selection and someone who knows about the yarns to help me choose what is the right yarn for my next project. Not to mention i have always wanted to see the inside of a yarn shop. Though i have a feeling i will be like a kid in a candy store in one.

~~~~ i would also love to just be able to sit in a yarn shop and work on my projects for a while my own little get away with like crafted people. i do not have a problem sitting in the living and watching TV with Son and/or Roommate while i crochet and do that quit often, or sitting in my room and crocheting with a DVD or music playing from my laptop. But there is just something so appealing about the idea of sitting in a yarn store and working on my projects. Not to mention there is likely to be someone that knows more about it then me there and can teach me a few new stitches or patterns. i just think it would be so much fun plus a great way to get to know more people in this area.

~~~~ All day yesterday i had a migraine that made my head feel like it was going to explode. i slept all day while Son was at school and Roommate went out and bought McDonald's for dinner so that i did not have to cook. However once Son was home i just could not let myself go back to sleep even though that was what my migraine meds were trying to make me do.

~~~~ So i tore out and restated the blanket i am making for one of my brothers. At about 1:30 in the morning long after Son was in bed i had to ask Roommate to take it away from me and not let me have it back until today because i could not get myself to stop. i kept saying to myself, "i will stop after i finish this row." And three rows later i was saying it again. i know i need to get this blanket done and before my family comes out so that i can give it to them when they do. But i do not know when that is right now. Plus i have other things i need to get done.

~~~~ It does not look like it in this picture because it is all folded over itself but this blanket is long enough to go across a queen size bed and i do have more then the 6 rows shown done. Each color is actually 2 rows of that color so there are 11 rows done with the 12th row started.

~~~~ Okay well i need to get off of here and go get laundry done and then back to the crocheting. i want to get all these projects done but i must be realistic and acknowledge that i will most likely not have them all done before my family gets out here. Especially if the phone i just got is true and they are going to try and be here sometime during the week between Christmas and New Years.

~~~~ Everyone uses the phrase; "Once in a blue moon" but do you know what a blue moon is? A "Blue Moon" is when there are two full moons in one calendar month. In fact there is a "Blue Moon" this month December 31st, New Years Eve is a full moon but also the "Blue Moon" as the other full moon this month was December 2nd. For those who believe there is power in the moon the "Blue Moon" is supposed to be three times as powerful.

**** The Full Moon, the phase seen by most as the time of great power for the positive. Having two Full Moons in one month is a rare occurrence. When the moon is seen the second time in the same cycle it is seen as a young mother. A mother caring for and affectionately raising her children in the light of truth, wisdom and love. The Blue Moon is a time of enormous influence for prophecy and divination. Its energies can be summoned for protection, wisdom and love. It is believed that any workings held beneath the Blue Moon are given additional energy, which makes this time magnificent for all work in manifesting goals, passion, healing, strength, and power.

~~~~ i think it is a sign of things to come in my life. One really hard year ending under a "Blue Moon" and the next beginning under that same "Blue Moon". i know that it is changes for the positive and for strength and for love.

~~~~ "When the moon rides at Her peak, Then your heart's desire seek." What better time to seek your heart's desire then at the end of one year and the beginning of a new year. Just remember your "New Year's Resolutions" this year are being made under the power of a "Blue Moon" Think long and hard what you want to use that power for before making some frivolous resolution that you do not intend to keep.

~~~~ About three years ago i went to a Housewares Convention with my bosses from the incense store i used to work at. We were looking for some potpourri of exceptional quality. And walking, well they were walking i was being pushed in a wheel chair because i had a broken leg, though the show we smelled this incredibility delicious smell and followed our noses to find this. (See picture) We were so excited to find this beautiful potpourri that not only smelled divine but looked gorgeous too. Well it turned out we found tea not potpourri. Now my boss L___ and i both live for great teas so we tried some and were blown away. This is all natural tea with real fruits and flower petals in it and nothing compares in taste to this tea.

~~~~ Whenever i say i am making myself a cup of tea or enjoying a cup of tea this is one brand of the tea that i mean. Not just the blueberry, shown in the picture, but any of their teas. You can order them from online and they are delivered right to your front door. They are not cheap but for the quality they are a great price. Elmwood Inn Fine Teas are simply the best teas i have ever tasted and they have a huge selection of Black Tea, Caffeine Free Tea, Flavored Teas, Green Teas, Herbals and Infusions (no tea leaves), Iced Tea, Oolongs, Premium Loose Teas, Tea Bags, and White Teas, as well as Private Label Teas.

~~~~ i also drink Celestial Seasons, Bigelow, Stash, and other loose leaf teas but Elmowood Inn's teas are my favorite and if i had the money they would be the only tea that i would ever drink. Depending on the tea you can get a 4oz tin for $8.95 ($2.24 per oz.) up to a 3lb. bag for $69.95 ($1.46 per oz). That really is not a bad price but when money is tight it is hard to justify buying more tea when i already have a bunch of the store bought teas sitting here at home waiting for me to make and drink them.

~~~~ When i make my teas even my tea bag tea i use a Mr. Coffee. i cut the tea bags open and pour them into a filter and run the water through just like you would for coffee. i find that it makes the tea just as strong as steeping the tea bag in my cup but i do not have to worry about trying to get the tea bag out of the cup or ringing out the tea bag. Plus it is done a lot faster. i have a little 4 cup Mr. Coffee that has never had coffee in it and will never have coffee in it. i use it for all my teas. Roommate has two different coffee makers of his own and i have an ice tea maker and my little Mr. Coffee that i turned into a Mrs. Tea.

~~~~ Now i am off to drink my blueberry tea that inspired this post and work on my crocheting i am getting so much done. i am so proud of myself.

~~~~ i have all my Christmas shopping done. i have had it done for a long time but not all made. i am still working on all the blankets that i want to give to people. But all the hats and scarfs are done. Even though i have had my Christmas shopping done for months i do not have a single thing wrapped and i need to get started on that.

~~~~ There are times that i love wrapping presents and times when i hate it. i love my wrapped presents to look all neat and pretty but when they are odd shapes that is not an easy thing to do. i guess i should start wrapping the presents while Son is at school on Monday so that they are done before he gets home and he does not see them unwrapped.

~~~~ Though there are times i must admit that it really does not matter what the present looks like when it is wrapped no one seems to pay attention to all the detail and time you took to wrap it so neatly. They just tear into it and destroy all your hard work in seconds to get to the surprise inside that they want. i love watching Son open all his presents do not get me wrong i do not care if i ever get a Christmas present i am happiest when i watch others enjoying what i bought or made them. It just would be nice for someone to take the time and say "WOW this is wrapped beautifully it is almost a shame to tear into it." Before they destroy all my hard work. Ahh oh well that may never happen and as i said i enjoy watching them open the present and enjoy it.