Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ This is a large Oak tree that we have in our front yard about 30 feet from our front door. i was standing on the front stoop when i took this picture of how hard the snow was falling. i had my first physical therapy appointment for my should that night and it was nice and clear when we went to the PT office. When i got out of PT Son was sitting quietly in the waiting room waiting for me or Roommate to get back. Roommate had run out to the car to see if we had another battery or a charger for Son's PSP with us. (We did not.) He came back in as i was getting on my jacket and this only took me about 45 seconds to do and we left. We could not even see Roommates footprints in the snow on the ground. What should have been a 20 minute car ride home took us over and hour to get home the snow was that bad. Roommate was explaining to me how to drive in weather like this the whole way home because i am finally learning to drive but am NOT behind the wheel yet. He was saying how visibility was maybe 1000ft if that and getting worse.

~~~~ Son was in the back seat being very quiet and just listening to us talk and watching the snow. It was so bad out side we had to have the heater up full blast to 90 degrees to keep the windows from fogging and the snow melting when it hit the windows. i already knew not to have the headlights on their brightest during a blizzard like this or in fog. Roommate showed Son why when we got home because Son did not understand what we were talking about and had asked. What Roommate did tell me was to drive very slowly and try to stay in the wheel tracks from the cars in front of us that way you have better contact with the road and if you have to be the first to drive through fresh snow to do it slowly and use the breaks VERY VERY gently with a lot of time before you have to stop because of sliding. That if you step on the breaks to hard or quickly you can lost control of the car. This i also already knew but i was very nice to hear again. As the more i hear these things the more comfortable i feel with the knowledge i have before i actually get behind a wheel in these types of situations. Though i know nothing teaches like experience the knowledge is nice to have as well.

~~~~ We were worried that the power might be out at the house when we got home but it was not. Thankfully with all the snow that fell and was sticking to everything else it did not stick to or build up on the power lines. We have lost power in a lot of storms over the two and half years that i have been living here so i always make sure we all have working flashlights in our bedrooms and candles as well. If the power had gone out it would have meant that our heat would not have been working also so i made sure that the little bedroom had plenty of candles for heat and we would have all slept in there to stay warm. Well at least Son and i, Roommate said he would just use extra blankets unless it got too cold in the house then he would have slept on the floor of the little bedroom. Thankfully the power did not go out at all and we all slept nice and warm in our own beds.

~~~~ As i have said before or at least i think i have i am learning to knit from a website called Knitting Help. Right now i am just doing the basics i have a scarf, a stole, and a baby blanket on straight needles that i am doing the seed stitch on and on a set of round needles i am working on a simple hooded cowl. They are all turning out nicely so far. i really like knitting and find it just as relaxing as crocheting and it is nice to be able to do something different too.

~~~~ So since i find knitting so relaxing i was looking around at the local Michael's Craft store and saw Boyle Needle Master set that has a lot of the different needle sizes and cables for $69.95 well that is a little pricey for my budget so i looked on EBay and found the exact same set for $30.00 + $5.00 SH buy it now so i bough it today. i can not wait for them to get here so that i can try them out.

~~~~ i am also learning how to do a new type of crocheting, well new to me, called Tunisian or Afghan Crochet. i am also learning this from a website called Nexstitch. You can learn just about anything from the Internet now and what is nice is i do not have to pay for lessons and i can replay the videos or pause them as often as i need to so that i check to make sure that i am doing in correctly. With this stitch i am working on a scarf for one of my cousins that i have not seen in over 20 years and just got back into contact with on Facebook.

~~~~ i love EBay too i am finding all kinds of things for knitting and crocheting. i just found a buy it now for needle point protectors for $9.99 free SH for a 40 count that is 20 large and 20 small and bamboo afghan hooks sizes H - P (8 hooks) $16.95 free SH also buy it now. i have not bought either of these yet i am going to talk to my mom about them tonight and tell her they are what i want for my Christmas gifts from her because i did not know what i wanted at the time and now i do and i have not seen my parents for Christmas yet. They live 7 hours away and between Mom's work, Dad's doctor appointments, Brother #2's court dates, and my court dates things have been really busy for all of us and we just have not had the chance to get together. Not to mention the fact that i do not have the money to drive 7 hours out to OH for a weekend visit. Though Mom and Dad are talking about coming out here this weekend if everything works out so we will see.

~~~~ And nothing happened in court today. The judge gave my estranged another 21 days to find a lawyer after he has had over 21 days already. i am so stressed out it is not even funny. i do not want to write anymore right now.

~~~~ i am really hoping that i get my divorce finished tomorrow. It has been over two and a half years of fighting for this and i am just so ready for it to be all done and over with. i want to get on with the rest of my life.

~~~~ For two and a half years my ex has tried everything in the book to prolong this divorce and try get me to run out of money. In the end he is the one with no money and not getting anything that he wants. His lawyers withdrew from the case and he cannot find anyone else to take on the job of being his legal counsel. He has screamed and yelled and sworn at his old lawyers of this i am sure and i do not even have to be there to know it because that is just his way. When the divorce first started he tried to act like he was this wonderful saintly person who never does anything wrong and i was this evil witch that ruined his life. my lawyer and i just kept giving him enough "rope" and not only did he hang himself but he also tied himself up in so many knots that no one could get him out.

~~~~ He showed his true colors to everyone. While i have always been the same person throughout all of this because i am not putting on an act. i am me and that is all there is to it. Now yes i have had to deal with a horrible depression because this divorce has taken so long and i felt that i failed at my marriage but it takes two to be married and he wanted a mother not a wife and i needed a husband and a father to the kids not another kid to take care of. Now there was a lot more that lead to the break down of my marriage but i really do not want to get into all that. But my point is that i did not fail at my marriage we failed at it and i know i tried to fight to keep us married but he did not want to fight for us too. So i had to do what was best for me and Son and i us out.

~~~~ i wish nothing evil to my estranged. i want him to find true happiness and love and to learn how to love himself as well as others but i do not want to be hurt by him any more. He did not want to fight for us until it was to late and he felt he was losing his possession but he did not own me. He did not want to get counseling until it was too late or try to see things from my side until it was over and i was gone. In all of this i have only wanted what was best for everyone and i feel i am doing the best i can to make sure that we all get it. Son will still have a relationship with his father but will live with me full time and i will have soul custody. He will get to see his father every other weekend, many holidays throughout the year, and two weeks in the summer.