Friday, May 29, 2009

~~~~ i am submissive by nature but choose whom i will allow to be Dominant over me. No person will ever make me do something i do not want to do ever again. i have made myself this promise and so far i have kept it. It used to be that i was a doormat and allowed others to walk all over me. However with the help of a very dear friend i have found that i am a strong person and can exercise my will and my rights without changing the fact that i like to be submissive. i will no longer allow others to bully me into anything that i do not want to do and will forcefully stand up for my rights if i have to. Just because i like to be in service to others does not mean that am any less human or have less rights.

**** i use the lower case letter "i" to represent me and any time i start a sentence with a word such as "i, me, or my" it will be lower case to represent my submission. While all other words that start a sentence will be upper cased as they should be. ****

~~~~ Being submissive does not mean i am weak willed, minded or physically weak by any stretch of the imagination. In fact until about 3 years ago when i was hit by a car i was/am a state certified security guard and have worked many different venues and events including concerts of all kinds from Metal to Raves to Country to Pop to Rap to Christian to ..... you name it and i have probably worked it. As well as Hotels, Convention Centers, Sports Games of all types and just about everything that would need security including Proms.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

~~~~ i am learning that i can read Tarot Cards really well. i have had a lot of people ask me if i was a "reader" and i always said that i was not. They always said that i should be, they just had this "feeling" that i was or should be a reader. i have learned to take someone saying "they have a feeling" seriously enough to look into it. Now i am discovering that i am. Do not get me wrong i am by no means going to be one of those people that sit on the phone and do readings for everyone that calls them or sitting in a storefront and reading for every Joe that walks in off the street. i do not believe in doing that type of thing. i feel that i have to know the person really well to even offer to do a reading for them. i started because i was interested in learning about it for me and my own curiosity. i now have 6 different types of Tarot cards and one set of Runes that i am also learning how to read.

~~~~ i do believe in the power of Tarot Cards to help you find your way in life, but not to tell the future. Nothing can predict the future because it changes with every choice that we make. i believe that Tarot Cards or Runes can tell us what we need to work on in our lives to get the out comes that we would want. i guess what i am saying is i see them as a guide that i can choose to fallow or not as always the choice is mine. They are just a tool that one can use to move on the right path in their life for themselves. They can show what could happen if things keep going the way they are but that is not a guarantee that it will happen.

~~~~ i guess i should say that i am a Solitary Practicing Wiccan. i have looked at and study a lot of religions and found that this is what i believe. There is a balance to everything in nature... earth to air, fire to water, day to night, male to female, positive to negative etc. So why is there not a balance to the god as in the goddess in christian religions and why do they always say that women should serve and obey men? Now yes i choose to be submissive (that is another entry all together though) but it is my choice and i do not do it to all men. i also think it is wrong for a group of people to tell another group of people they are going to hell for the way they believe, worship or whom they choose to love of any gender. What gives someone the right to judge another human being for the way they choose to live their lives? i believe that as long as someone is not hurting anyone else they should be allowed to live, love, and believe the way they want to.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

~~~~ i am starting this blog on my 31st birthday. my wish this year is that my divorce will be finalized and i will be able to move on and move forward with my life. i feel like i have been in a holding pattern for the last two years because of my divorce and custody battle. i just can not seem to make any long term decisions about my life because i do not now what is going on with the most important thing in my life, Son. Once i know the details of that and my divorce is done i can finally go to college and get my degrees. i think i have finally figured out what i want to do with my life, become an Occupational Physical Therapist. i have always wanted to help people and after having been hit by a car while walking down the street i know how much Physical Therapist really do help people but because of permanent damage to my back, hips and left leg i can not become a regular Physical Therapist because there is to much lifting that i can not do. Once my divorce is done i want to apply for any grants and possible scholarships that i can get from the government to help pay for school. Believe it or not i really do miss going to school and learning new stuff. Plus doing this will help me take care of Son and any future children that i may have in a comfortable way. i do not me comfortable as in a huge house and lots of expensive stuff that is not what i need or want in my life. i mean i will not have to worry about the money to pay the bills and i will be able to maintain a steady lifestyle where my children will learn the lessons of life.

~~~~ my second goal this year is to get together with the one that gave me the nick name of CB and work on our project. i love to write poetry, and have a pen name that i write under, and he is an amazing artist. We want to get our works together into a book and have it published as well as make up some prints to sell online or at his store of his art work illustrating my poetry. i have been writing poetry for many years now since i was in 8Th grade i believe and though my work has greatly changed over the years as i have changed the one thing that has not changed is my love of writing it.

~~~~ This blog however will not have much of anything to do with my poetry though as i have another place for all of that to be done. i just never seem to remember to write in my journals that i have here at home though i always am able to write down my poetry. i just thought that i would give this a try and see if i can keep a blog going of what is happening in my life. i have tried it on my other sites like facebook and myspace but seem to be unable to keep a steady one going because of one reason or an other. Though as i am starting a new year of my life i am going to try and improve my habits and not be so lazy about things that i want to do for me.