Thursday, October 29, 2009

~~~~ Walking through the stores around here you would think Christmas is only a few days away instead of 57 like it is and it has been this way for a couple of weeks already. It is not even Halloween yet and they have out their Christmas items. Now yes i admit i have all my Christmas presents bought for my son. i am waiting for two movies to come out for Roommate. And i am working on crocheting the gifts for my brothers and their girlfriends. So yes i have had Christmas in my thoughts for a while but not buying decorations or stockings just getting the gifts before i have to fight the holiday shopping rush.

~~~~ i have worked retail in a mall for many Christmases. First at a Best Buy in a mall while i was just barely pregnant with my son. Then i left retail to work security for several years and ended up back in retail at a grocery store. To leave that and go back to a mall. i hated working the mall between Thanksgiving and Christmas people were rude, pushy, demanding, and just plan dangerous. You were taking you life in your hands anytime you walked in the hallways of the mall not to mention the parking lot.

~~~~ i am so very glad that i always listened to Mom when she said get your Christmas shopping done before Halloween at the lastest and then just pick up the little things that have not yet been released when you can. Trying to get there on the least busy days at the least busy times. Now i do not even go to the mall unless i have to between Thanksgiving and Christmas because i can orde
r the movies and cds from the stores online and have them sent to me. The only thing i need to actually go to a store for is the yarn i need to make the gifts and i will be going there in a couple of days. Then once a month to Target to get Son's Concerta Rx filled but i can do that at off hours. Plus the local bookstore to pick up my books. i have to have my books but that is a whole other blog entry.

~~~~ i have always
HATED shopping. Yes, i am a female that hates shopping so when i do it i try to get as much done at once as i can. If i have to go for just one or two things it is get in, get it, and get out.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

~~~~ For a long time i have been unable to meditate even though i have tried and tried. A boss/good friend has given me a lot of stuff to help me meditate. But i just could not do it. i could not get my mind to stop racing and my body to relax. i am hoping that now that some things have been taken care of i can relax a little better and meditate to help with the rest of my stress.

~~~~ i am going to set up a box that holds all my stuff for meditation: the candles, CD's, crystals, a
nd once i have finished making it the meditation blanket to sit on. i can not wait and really hope that all this helps. i am also looking for a meditation center near me that i can go to and meditate there as well. i know there is one in Chicago that my boss goes to and that he and his wife really like it.

~~~~ i also know that some people find it easier to meditate when they are out walking and i have been able to meditate when walking before. To this matter i am going to save of some of the little money that i have and get myself an MP3/MP4 player. i have seen some really nice ones on EB
ay that are not expensive at all. It will not be an ipod brand MP3 player but it will work and cost me a lot less. Anyway on this player i will put a bunch of music that has a good beat to it so that i can listen to it as i walk and keep a steady pace while i meditate. my walks will not be long to begin with because of my hips, lower back, and knees but as time goes on and they get stronger my walks will get longer then in the spring and summer when the weather is nicer i will be able to go for bikerides with Son as well though i do not think i will be able to meditate on those.

~~~~ i really want to be able to meditate and as long as i work at it i should be able to start it up again. Short meditations to start and then they can get longer as i get back into the practice of it. For now i think i will meditate on sitting on bed with the candles and stuff set up around
my room. Once i can find a place in the house the i can set up meditation / altar corner i will leave the stuff set up all the time and will be able to visit that spot whenever i need to or want to. i think i am going to talk to Roommate about setting up a meditation area outside as well somewhere in the backyard. i can put my Tinkerbell lanters that Roommate got me for my birthday out there to hold my candles and keep them for blowing out or blowing over. It will be a very nice corner of the yard i can see how i want to do it now. All i have to do is ask though i do not see why Roommate would say no.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

~~~~ i love Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO) and they have a new cd out called Night Castle and i want it so badly. i have all of there other cd's and had all their DVD's too but those got left when i moved out here because i could not find them and i did not have time to hunt for them. So as time goes on i will replace them. i just really want this new cd. i have heard pieces of it from their myspace page and i really like it. i just can not wait to get it.

~~~~ i got to go to their concer
t once and have wanted to go back every year but have not been able to because of money and time but i am hoping to get back to a concert from them soon. Their music is to die for amazing and the light show they put on is breathtakingly spectacular.

~~~~ Son and i love going on YouTube every year at Christmas time and watching all the videos of people setting their Christmas Lights to dance to TSO's songs. We also love to find video
s of parts of their concerts and watch those as well.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

~~~~ i have battling with my insomnia since the beginning of September and it has not gotten any better. Last night i actually fell asleep at a decent hour. i sent Son to bed at 9:30pm and i do not remember much after that except laying down on the couch in the living room to watch TV. i do not even think i was awake long enough to change the chan
nel. i woke up at about 1:30am roasting and tossing the covers off of me with Roommate sitting at the end of couch watching TV.

~~~~ i got up to get a drink of water and go to my own bed. Apologizing to Roommate for sleeping where he normally does and for falling asleep when we were going to watch a movie t
ogether. He laughed and said not to worry about it he was just going to let me sleep because i have not been sleeping well and he knew i needed the sleep. So i went to lay down in my bed and go back to sleep but i was wide awake. i laid in bed for several hours just trying to fall asleep and it did not work. i finally gave up and started watching my Gilmore Girls Season 5 DVD's. At 7am when the alarms went off for me to get Son up are ready for school i was still up suffering from a horrible migraine that had started about 30min.s before the alarms were due to go off but i could not take my medication because it causes me to fall asleep.

~~~~ After getting Roommate up for work and Son off to school i
went back to bed at about 7:45am and ended up sleeping through most of the day. Not waking up fully until Roommate called at 2:30pm to make sure i was awake and had unlocked the front door for Son to get in.
During this medication helped sleep i had a very bazaar dream. It is the same dream i always have when i take my migraine medication.

~~~~ i can not believe i am going to tell anyone besides Roommate and AP about this dream but maybe if i write it down for anyone to read i can stop having it. Okay... here it
goes .... i always dream that i am forcefully stuffed into this giant cannon that is shaped like a penis. Yes, a giant penis cannon. And i am shot of this cannon by a group of people holding hands around the bottom of the penis cannon and jumping up and down. So these people are masturbating this penis cannon and i am shot across the room but i always slightly wake up enough to stop the dream before i land. It is just the strangest dream.

~~~~ Now, i have always had strange dreams when i am n
ot feeling well. Ever since i was little i would know when i was getting sick with a bad cold or the flu because i would dream that i was this tiny little person running away from this giant thumb or forefinger that was trying to squish me. i would be running over a tissue where i had to avoid falling though these huge holes, or running around on another finger where i had to follow the fingerprint or climb the ridges like hills and mountains. It was all just very strange but i always had these dreams when i was going to get sick. And i still do, but now i also have to add the penis cannon dream any time i take my migraine medication.

~~~~ i wish i could just get back to a normal sleep schedule where i sleep at night for the whole night and not just a few minutes or hours here and there and then i am up for wha
t seems like forever. i will not take sleeping pills either Rx or OTC. i hate taking the medication for my migraines and my back when the pain is so bad i can not stand it any more. Not to mention that if i take even an OTC sleeping pill i can not take my medication of my back or my migraines and i do not want to risk getting a fully developed migraine ever again the beginnings are bad enough to deal with.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

~~~~ With Samhain or Halloween or All Hallows Eve (or whatever you want to call it) fast approaching i wanted to write this and get it off my chest.

~~~~ i have really gotten tired of hearing and seeing people use the pentagram or pentangle or pentacle as a "sign of evil." It is not the form of the devil or the sign of a Satanist. Even when i was a member of a Christian church i was taught that it was the symbol of the devil and i believed it at the time because that is what i was told by my Sunday School Teache
r. Until i was older and did the research for myself.

~~~~ i have seen this on everything from books to TV shows to reality TV and it has really struck a nerve with me. i am just absolutely sick of it. Christians use the cross as a sign of Christ and religion when it was a device used to torture people. Do you know what happens to a person when they are crucified? Their ribcage collapses in on itself after the body becomes too exhausted to hold it up any longer and the person suffocates to death and as they do so the ribcage continues to fall and crushes the internal organs causing the bowel to split open and release everything from the body. It is excruciatingly painful and disgusting and the person is usually still conscious as this happens. Yet they use it as a religious symbol and condemn the pentacle which is the symbol of the five elements earth, air, fire, water, and spirit.

~~~~ i am tired of being looked down upon because i wear my pentacle around my neck. i have taken to wearing it on a longer chain and keeping it tucked inside my shirt so that i do not get the rude comments and evil stares that seem to come my way when others see it. i have actually had people walk up to me while i was working in a major store and ask me if i knew what my necklace meant and if i was a Satanist. When i told them that i did know what it meant and that i am not a Satanist. That my necklace simply represented the five elements i was told i was wrong and that they did not want me helping them and went to another register or to another person for help. my manager actually tried to tell me not to wear it to work any more. i very politely told him if he was going to ask that of me then he needed to ask that of everyone who worked there and wore a cross around their neck including himself. Now i no longer work for that store, not because of this but for other reasons, but i was very offended when this happened.

**** Copied from Wikipedia:


The pentagram is used as a Christian symbol for the five senses, and if the letters S, A, L, V, and S are inscribed in the points, it can be taken as a symbol of health (from Latin salus).

Medieval Christians believed it to symbolize the five wounds of Christ. The pentagram was believed to protect against witches and demons.

The pentagram figured in a heavily symbolic Arthurian romance: it appears on the shield of Sir Gawain in the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. As the poet explains, the five points of the star each have five meanings: they represent the five senses, the five fingers, the five wounds of Christ, the five joys that Mary had of Jesus (the Annunciation, the Nativity, the Resurrection, the Ascension, and the Assumption), and the five virtues of knighthood which Gawain hopes to embody: noble generosity, fellowship, purity, courtesy, and compassion.

Most Christians, probably due to their misinterpretation of symbols used by ceremonial magicians, came to associate it with Satanism and subsequently rejected the symbol sometime in the twentieth century.


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has used pentagrams and five-pointed stars in Temple architecture, specifically the Nauvoo Illinois Temple and the Salt Lake Temple. These symbols derived from traditional morning star pentagrams that are no longer commonly used in mainstream Christianity.


The pentagram was the official seal of the city of Jerusalem for a time. Due to the similarity of the star shapes, it is occasionally confused with the Star of David by those unfamiliar with the symbols.


Many Neopagans, especially Wiccans, use the pentagram as a symbol of faith similar to the Christian cross or the Jewish Star of David. It is not, however, a universal symbol for Neopaganism, and is rarely used by Reconstructionists. Its religious symbolism is commonly explained by reference to the neo-Pythagorean understanding that the five vertices of the pentagram represent the four elements with the addition of Spirit as the uppermost point. As a representation of the elements, the pentagram is involved in the Wiccan practice of summoning the elemental spirits of the four directions at the beginning of a ritual.

The outer circle of the circumscribed pentagram is sometimes interpreted as binding the elements together or bringing them into harmony with each other. The Neopagan pentagram is generally displayed with one point up, partly because of the "inverted" goat's head pentagram's association with Satanism; however, within traditional forms of Wicca a pentagram with two points up is associated with the Second Degree Initiation and in this context has no relation to Satanism.

Because of a perceived association with Satanism and also because of negative societal attitudes towards Neopagan religions and the "occult", many United States schools have sought to prevent students from displaying the pentagram on clothing or jewelry. In public schools, such actions by administrators have been determined to be in violation of students' First Amendment right to free exercise of religion.

~~~~ Tonight the temperature has dropped down below freezing. Right now at 1am it is
27°F outside. This is perfect weather to snuggle up under a nice thick blanket with a cup of hot tea and a good book. i just can not believe it is this cold at night already. It just means that soon it is going to be this cold at the warmest part of the day.... YUCK.

~~~~ i can not wait to see the way this is going to make the leaves change into a riot of beautiful colors but i r
eally hate the cold. Though i can not wait to take my camera out into the woods with me and get some great pictures of the beautiful autumn colors and Son out in them. Maybe Roommate will let me take some new pictures of him as well.

~~~~ Yesterday Roommate, Son, and i went to a farm stand and bought some beautiful squash and some homemade pumpkin butter and apple cider. i can not wait to bake the squash and try the pumpkin butter. MMMM i love fall foods like this and i am overjoyed at how it is no longer too hot to have the stove on all day to make my homemade chili or chicken dumpling soup from scratch. i just wish i could bake the way i can cook. When i try to bake things they always come out wrong and screwed up in some way. It's just not fair but that is life.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

~~~~ It has been raining off and on for days now. Part of me wishes it would stop raining so that i can take Son out and do the pictures i wanted to get of him in the park down the street. But now the bike trail is all muddy and the trees are too wet for him to climb and sit in without getting soaked and it is chilly outside. i want to get these pictures of Son taken and edited so that i can get or make frames for them and give them out as Christmas presents to my family.

~~~~ Though an other part of me loves the rain as long as there is no lightening. i love to sit in my room with my blinds open and watch the rain fall. It is just so beautiful. Or if it is raining hard enough that i can hear it i love to sit and read next to my window and listen to the rain hit the roof and windows. i love the way the air smells all fresh and clean after a good rain and the wet, crisp it smells during a rain.

~~~~i love being out in the rain as well on a nice warm day. i have been known to go out and dance in the rain. Several of my friends think i am strange for doing this but i love
the feel of the rain falling on my flesh as i dance around to a good song on my cd or just the sound of the rain even. Going for a walk in a warm rain is always wonderful and refreshing.

~~~~ i even have a couple of cd's that i love to listen to that are of thunderstorms. i love the sound of a thunderstorm with the hard rain falling and the thunder crashing as long as i do not have to see the lightening. Once in a while when i need to relax i will put one of these cd's on and curl up in a chair, under a blanket, with a good book, a cup of tea, and my Storm Watch candle burning. Just wish this
worked all the time to help me de-stress and relax. But even once in a while it is great though doing it when it is really raining is better.

Friday, October 2, 2009

~~~~ Son is in 5th grade and the school he is at is doing a monthly reading calendar where you have to keep track of how many minutes are read every day and they are graded by the number of minutes accumulated during the month. Last month Son read over 1200 mins. Giving him double what he needed for an A+.

~~~~ Every day that Son is here is with me, 5 days a week and every other weekend, we set the stop watch on my cell
phone and read a chapter of one of the Harry Potter books. Right now we are working on the third book of the series. i can see a huge improvement in his reading aloud and in his self confidence from when we started this in the summer before we even knew of the school assignment to read every day.

~~~~ We now have three copies of the Harry Potter series here in the house Son's, Roommate's, and mine. Roommate and i had our own copies before i moved in and then we each got a copy of the last book when it came out after i moved in so that both of us had finished our own collections. Then when Son started reading i was letting him use my copy but it was hard to help him with the words that he was stuck on without leaning over him or taking the book from him and we kept loosing our place when this happened so i bought him papper back copies of each book which are smaller in size but the page numbers match so we can both read along as the other reads. Plus as he gets older if he wants to read them again he can and he will have hi
s own copy to do so.

~~~~ Once we are done with the Harry Potter series we are going to go on to the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini, Eragon, , and Brisingr. While we wait for the fourth of that series to come out. This is another series that we have three copies of each book because of the same reasons. We are just waiting for the thrid to come out in paper back. We are also thinking about reading the Philip Pullman books "His Dark Materials". Then if there is still time in the school year we will have to decide what to read after that because i am not sure. Though we still need to pick up a lot of the "Dark Materials" books.

~~~~ This is a great way for Son and i to spend time together doing something other then watching TV. He seems to really enjoy reading when we do it this way and hardly argues about having to read. Roommate is usually up in his room or still at work when we read so it is just Son and me.