Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ No, i am not pregnant before all questions start. i just can not drink alcohol myself because i am allergic to it. It is not a pretty thing when i drink anything with alcohol, even mouthwash with alcohol gives me trouble so i just stay away from it.

~~~~ But this is about why i do not like being around people who are drinking or have been drinking alcohol.

~~~~ When i was little i am not really sure how old i just know i was much younger and that my oldest half sister and her husband were living with us at the house. i would say i was no more then 5 at the time maybe even younger because it was before we moved to Cincinnati half way through my kindergarten year of school. But anyway, i do not know what time of year it was either but i know it was not Christmas time because there was no tree in the living room even though my dad was reading me The Night Before Christmas that was just my favorite book at the time. Well, my sister and her husband were downstairs in their room and i was upstairs in mine as Dad read me the story and we heard my sister crying, yelling, and screaming for Dad to help her and we heard my brother in law yelling at her to shut up and the sound of someone being hit. i do not remember what Dad said but i do remember saying, "Daddy, that's not part of the book." as Dad swore and closed the book. He looked at me and told me to stay in bed but i did not as soon as he left my room i followed him down the stairs and watched from the bottom stair peeking around into the hallway where the door to my sister's room was. (Now you have to understand that my oldest sister has always been my favorite sister and she has had a lot of problems with drinking and drugs though she and her husband are both sober and clean now.) Dad was pounding on the door and yelling to be let in but the door was locked and my sister was screaming for help. Dad warned my brother-in-law to stop but he did not and he did not open the door when Dad told him to so Dad kicked it in and sent the metal plate on the wall, the one that the door latches and locks into so that you can not just push it open even it it is locked, flying through the room where it nailed my brother-in-law in the forehead. Dad dragged him out of the room and i think out of the house. i do not know what happened after that because Mom saw me standing on the stairs when she was running to the room to check on my sister and see what if any medical help was needed and i got sent back up to my room and told to get my butt in bed right then. Believe me i did, i was scared and i was upset but i really did not know what was going on. i am not sure how much later that night Mom and Dad both came up to my room and told me that my sister was going to be okay and that my brother-in-law had been drinking alcohol and hitting her but that he was gone now so she was safe and so was i and my oldest brother who is two years younger then me. i do not know if they called the police and had my brother-in-law taken away or they just kicked him out, but if they had called the police it would have taken a long time for them to get there because the town i grew up still to this day does not have it's own police force they have to rely on the State Troopers to respond to any call.

~~~~ Now because of that night 20+ years ago i am very uncomfortable around anyone who is or has recently consumed alcohol. i do not like going to bars or parties where alcohol is available, if i ever get re-married i will have a dry reception, i do not like alcohol in my house and i do not like people around Son when they have alcohol in their system. Even when my estranged husband would drink i was very uncomfortable about being around him and he knew this very well but still took me to bars when we would get off from working a concert together or have a few drinks with a dinner when we would go out to eat and once in a while bring it home and have it sitting in the fridge to drink while he was home with the kids. This would upset me to no end and i would repeatedly ask him not to do it but he always would and it always made me feel like he was doing it because i did not want him to.

~~~~ Roommate used to keep a 6 pack in the house so he could have one after work if he wanted to. Now, because it makes me uncomfortable he does not even buy any and he has walked to the bar once in the two years that i have been living here to get a single beer. When my middle brother is out to visit they will buy a couple single beers at the store and sit outside and drink them while they talk and smoke a cigarette or two but that is maybe twice a year. Gee the difference is amazing and Roommate and i are just friends and he is willing to make those changes for me while i rent two rooms from him, yet the man that i was married to and who was supposed to love and respect me would not.