Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ i love wind chimes of kinds. i have them hanging in every room of my home and outside my back door. They way they sound and the wonderful designs they come in are just absolutely beautiful.

~~~~ i find the sounds of them so very relaxing as they tinkle, chime, ring, and gong from the wind. It matters not the material that they are made from: glass, wood, metal, shell, or any other thing that makes a beautiful sound i want them.

~~~~ i have just recently found out that my dad who is 72 has lung cancer and now they need to do a brain scan before he can start his chemo to see if there is cancer there too. He has been very confused and suffering from exhaustion lately and that could be from cancer in the brain or lack of sleep because he has been so worried. So now we have to see what the scans say before they start the chemo. The results of the scans will dictate what type of chemo he gets and all that fun stuff. On top of all of this i am the one that has to be strong for my family. Anytime anything happens with my family i am the one that everyone turns to. i just do not know if i have the strength deal with all of this when i am still healing from everything that i have been through. i talked to Roommate and he said he will try to be there for me but with everything in his life that is going on he is not sure how strong he will be for me. He needs time to heal too after i hurt him during my three year long divorce. He was always there for me and needs time to deal with his life and to get his strength back.

~~~~ i do have other friends that i know will be there for me there is AP who has told me that she will take a bus out here to drive Son and i back to OH any time that i want to as long as my car is running. (Though at the moment my car is not running AGAIN. It seems that every time i take my car in to get fixed in some way it comes back with a dead battery. GRRR.) Then i have a very dear friend that i talk to on Face book a lot. i have been talking to him for years and even though he lives in another country i know he will be there for me to talk to when i need to. Plus i just got two of my friends from my divorce back into my life. i am learning to trust them again but i know that they will be there for me if i need them to be.

~~~~ As i write about my dad's cancer and my friends my wind chimes are tinkling and ringing in the wind. They sound so beautiful and relaxing. And right now i need that. Plus i need to get off the laptop and get started on my laundry it is piling up here and i need to work on crocheting more squares for one of my groups on Ravelry.