Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ i am getting so sick of sleeping alone. i do not mean i miss having sex. i mean laying down in my big empty bed all by myself and not feeling someone there next to me. i miss having their body heat to help warm the sheets. i just miss the feeling of someone next to me that i can just cuddle with. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind. i am not interested in sex at all right now. i just want someone to share the bed with once in a while. Someone that can hold me and cuddle.

~~~~ It has been more then two years since i have shared a bed with anyone and i am really beginning to miss it. i hate sleeping alone lately it has been really hard to fall asleep and stay asleep. i have tried putting my pillows every which way and nothing seems to work. i even find myself sleeping only on one side of the bed. i have a beautiful queen sized bed all to myself and i still only sleep on one side of it leaving room for an invisible person on the other side. Even when i wake up in the middle of the night or in the mornings i see that i have stayed on "my side" of the bed never straying to the middle of the bed or the other side.

~~~~ Now, do not get me wrong i am not going to rush out and find someone to fill the other side of my bed. Unless it is filled with more pillows that side of the bed is staying empty until i find the person that not only fills that side of the bed but fulfills what i want from another person in my life. i am in no rush to fill that roll right now either. my divorce is not over and i have not healed completely from the fallout of my sham of a marriage.

~~~~ i just miss having a living body laying next to me as i fall asleep and still be there when i wake up. i miss hearing someone breathing next to me as they dream peacefully. i miss the safe feeling i used to get from rolling over and knowing that there is someone there that will calm me down if i wake up with a panic attack.