Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ This is a large Oak tree that we have in our front yard about 30 feet from our front door. i was standing on the front stoop when i took this picture of how hard the snow was falling. i had my first physical therapy appointment for my should that night and it was nice and clear when we went to the PT office. When i got out of PT Son was sitting quietly in the waiting room waiting for me or Roommate to get back. Roommate had run out to the car to see if we had another battery or a charger for Son's PSP with us. (We did not.) He came back in as i was getting on my jacket and this only took me about 45 seconds to do and we left. We could not even see Roommates footprints in the snow on the ground. What should have been a 20 minute car ride home took us over and hour to get home the snow was that bad. Roommate was explaining to me how to drive in weather like this the whole way home because i am finally learning to drive but am NOT behind the wheel yet. He was saying how visibility was maybe 1000ft if that and getting worse.

~~~~ Son was in the back seat being very quiet and just listening to us talk and watching the snow. It was so bad out side we had to have the heater up full blast to 90 degrees to keep the windows from fogging and the snow melting when it hit the windows. i already knew not to have the headlights on their brightest during a blizzard like this or in fog. Roommate showed Son why when we got home because Son did not understand what we were talking about and had asked. What Roommate did tell me was to drive very slowly and try to stay in the wheel tracks from the cars in front of us that way you have better contact with the road and if you have to be the first to drive through fresh snow to do it slowly and use the breaks VERY VERY gently with a lot of time before you have to stop because of sliding. That if you step on the breaks to hard or quickly you can lost control of the car. This i also already knew but i was very nice to hear again. As the more i hear these things the more comfortable i feel with the knowledge i have before i actually get behind a wheel in these types of situations. Though i know nothing teaches like experience the knowledge is nice to have as well.

~~~~ We were worried that the power might be out at the house when we got home but it was not. Thankfully with all the snow that fell and was sticking to everything else it did not stick to or build up on the power lines. We have lost power in a lot of storms over the two and half years that i have been living here so i always make sure we all have working flashlights in our bedrooms and candles as well. If the power had gone out it would have meant that our heat would not have been working also so i made sure that the little bedroom had plenty of candles for heat and we would have all slept in there to stay warm. Well at least Son and i, Roommate said he would just use extra blankets unless it got too cold in the house then he would have slept on the floor of the little bedroom. Thankfully the power did not go out at all and we all slept nice and warm in our own beds.

~~~~ As i have said before or at least i think i have i am learning to knit from a website called Knitting Help. Right now i am just doing the basics i have a scarf, a stole, and a baby blanket on straight needles that i am doing the seed stitch on and on a set of round needles i am working on a simple hooded cowl. They are all turning out nicely so far. i really like knitting and find it just as relaxing as crocheting and it is nice to be able to do something different too.

~~~~ So since i find knitting so relaxing i was looking around at the local Michael's Craft store and saw Boyle Needle Master set that has a lot of the different needle sizes and cables for $69.95 well that is a little pricey for my budget so i looked on EBay and found the exact same set for $30.00 + $5.00 SH buy it now so i bough it today. i can not wait for them to get here so that i can try them out.

~~~~ i am also learning how to do a new type of crocheting, well new to me, called Tunisian or Afghan Crochet. i am also learning this from a website called Nexstitch. You can learn just about anything from the Internet now and what is nice is i do not have to pay for lessons and i can replay the videos or pause them as often as i need to so that i check to make sure that i am doing in correctly. With this stitch i am working on a scarf for one of my cousins that i have not seen in over 20 years and just got back into contact with on Facebook.

~~~~ i love EBay too i am finding all kinds of things for knitting and crocheting. i just found a buy it now for needle point protectors for $9.99 free SH for a 40 count that is 20 large and 20 small and bamboo afghan hooks sizes H - P (8 hooks) $16.95 free SH also buy it now. i have not bought either of these yet i am going to talk to my mom about them tonight and tell her they are what i want for my Christmas gifts from her because i did not know what i wanted at the time and now i do and i have not seen my parents for Christmas yet. They live 7 hours away and between Mom's work, Dad's doctor appointments, Brother #2's court dates, and my court dates things have been really busy for all of us and we just have not had the chance to get together. Not to mention the fact that i do not have the money to drive 7 hours out to OH for a weekend visit. Though Mom and Dad are talking about coming out here this weekend if everything works out so we will see.

~~~~ And nothing happened in court today. The judge gave my estranged another 21 days to find a lawyer after he has had over 21 days already. i am so stressed out it is not even funny. i do not want to write anymore right now.

~~~~ i am really hoping that i get my divorce finished tomorrow. It has been over two and a half years of fighting for this and i am just so ready for it to be all done and over with. i want to get on with the rest of my life.

~~~~ For two and a half years my ex has tried everything in the book to prolong this divorce and try get me to run out of money. In the end he is the one with no money and not getting anything that he wants. His lawyers withdrew from the case and he cannot find anyone else to take on the job of being his legal counsel. He has screamed and yelled and sworn at his old lawyers of this i am sure and i do not even have to be there to know it because that is just his way. When the divorce first started he tried to act like he was this wonderful saintly person who never does anything wrong and i was this evil witch that ruined his life. my lawyer and i just kept giving him enough "rope" and not only did he hang himself but he also tied himself up in so many knots that no one could get him out.

~~~~ He showed his true colors to everyone. While i have always been the same person throughout all of this because i am not putting on an act. i am me and that is all there is to it. Now yes i have had to deal with a horrible depression because this divorce has taken so long and i felt that i failed at my marriage but it takes two to be married and he wanted a mother not a wife and i needed a husband and a father to the kids not another kid to take care of. Now there was a lot more that lead to the break down of my marriage but i really do not want to get into all that. But my point is that i did not fail at my marriage we failed at it and i know i tried to fight to keep us married but he did not want to fight for us too. So i had to do what was best for me and Son and i us out.

~~~~ i wish nothing evil to my estranged. i want him to find true happiness and love and to learn how to love himself as well as others but i do not want to be hurt by him any more. He did not want to fight for us until it was to late and he felt he was losing his possession but he did not own me. He did not want to get counseling until it was too late or try to see things from my side until it was over and i was gone. In all of this i have only wanted what was best for everyone and i feel i am doing the best i can to make sure that we all get it. Son will still have a relationship with his father but will live with me full time and i will have soul custody. He will get to see his father every other weekend, many holidays throughout the year, and two weeks in the summer.

~~~~ i love to go to the Shedd Aquarium. It is absolutely beautiful there. Roommate, Son and i used to have a membership to there and we would go all the time. We would take the Metra ($10) from here to Chicago and then hop on a bus ($8) to the Shedd. We could spend all day walking around and looking at all the different fish and water animals. i could just sit for hours and watch the sharks swimming over your head, or in front of the Beluga Whales , or the jelly fish.

~~~~ We have not been since May when our one year membership expired but we all want to go again and really miss it. i really want to see the new show they have there called Fantasea, Roommate and Son want to see it too. When my tax returns come in i am thinking about getting the Partner Membership for $175 - $249 where i can get free and unlimited entry to all aquarium exhibits for up to four adults and four children 18 and under. Son wants to have his birthday at the Shedd again like he did a couple years ago. my parents want to go as well and see the changes that have been made to the Shedd they have not been for years.

~~~~ i have a ton of pictures from the Shedd too that we have taken there of all the exhibits. We do not use a flash on the camera of course so as not to hurt or upset the animals. A lot of the pictures turned out really neat but some of them are really dark so i need to play with them on Photo Shop and see if i can lighten them up a bit. This is one of the places i would love to try and get a job at but it is just too far to travel and i would have to get up so very early every day to catch the Metra and the bus to get there and i am so not a morning person.

~~~~ i am just learning to knit. i know i have been saying i want to learn to knit for a long time and i finally found a website that showed me how in a way that i could understand and copy. It really is not as hard as i thought it would be. The website is called Knitting Help. So far i can knit and purl.

~~~~ The first project i made was with just the knit stitch back and forth and i made a light blue wash cloth . i used some of my left over yarn from another project to practice on this way if i happened to tangle it all up i was not wasting yarn that i needed for the projects that i have going. Now i am working on what might be a small soft pink scarf with the knit 1 purl 1 pattern. We shall see how it turns out. This soft pink yarn that i am using is also left over from another project that is why the scarf will be small but i think i know who i can give it to when i am done if it does not look to bad. Again we shall see.

~~~~ i still have all my crocheting projects that i need to work on too and i have to watch how long i sit and knit or crochet because it aggravates my shoulder. i had my x-rays taken yesterday now i have to wait and see what they show. Tomorrow i need to call around and find an Orthopedic Surgeon and place for Physical Therapy that take the insurance that i have. Then i will be back in PT 3 times a week for 6 weeks to start. This will be my third time in PT in nearly as many years. i think everyone is right when they say that i should be in a bubble to protect
myself. i seem to get physically hurt an awful lot.

~~~~ i feel like i have my own little pharmacy. Now i know there are people who take more pills every day than i do. However this is just how i feel because i hate the idea of taking meds. i now have Flexeril 10mg (muscle relaxer for my shoulder), Motrin 800mg (to help with the pain in shoulder), Midrin (for my migraines), and Vicodin 5/500 (for my back, hips, and shoulder). i have to remember that i can not take the Vicodin and Midrin at the same time; the Midrin and the Motrin can be separated by two hours; the Vicodin, Motrin and Flexeril can all be taken together, the Midrin and Flexeril can be taken together; with the Vicodin and Flexeril i should eat a small snack before i take them to avoid an upset stomach; and the Midrin, Vicodin, and Flexeril all make me very sleepy.

~~~~ As you can tell i saw the Dr. yesterday. He said it does not seem like anything is torn in my shoulder but that there is some kind of impingement of the muscle. i have to go and get x-rays taken of my shoulder, find an Orthopedic Surgeon, and start Physical Therapy for my shoulder. All i have to say is here i go again. So much fun.

~~~~ Though i have to admit i really like this Dr. he is very nice and has a great "bedside manor". i will have to get Son to him soon for his ADHD medications. We will see how Son likes him too. It is not often that a Dr. makes a such a great first impression on me i am usually very reserved with Dr.s and it takes me a while to decide if i like them or not.

~~~~ my crocheting is moving along slowly but steadily we will see how these meds help it pick up. i am working on three different blankets right now. Two of my three brothers are getting blankets made, as well as a baby blanket, and i have other blankets that i started ages go and need to finish. Plus i am going to be making hats, lapghans, shawls, scarves, and neck warms for the cancer treatment center just down the road from my house. Plus a lot of baby blankets to store up for when my friends all have babies. i absolutely love crocheting it is so relaxing and such a stress reliever, plus i can do it and watch tv or a movie, or talk to people in person or on the phone. A few people who have seen me crocheting while i am sitting at a restaurant waiting for my food or have seen me with my finished scarf and book bag have said i should make some of these to sell. i am not sure how to go about this or if i even want to do that. Only time will tell.

~~~~ It has been snowing since last night and is not supposed to stop until sometime tomorrow night. So i am sitting inside my nice warm house looking out the window as i work on my laptop and my crocheting. i am making a new scarf for Son , and one for Roommate too. The work is going slow because my shoulder is still so sore.

~~~~ my mom without being able to look at it or feel it says it sounds like i pulled or tore a muscle. How i did it in my sleep i do not know but i guess i did. She says i need to go to the Dr. to have it checked but i have not done that yet. Until i do she said not to use it much and not to do anything that makes it hurt more. This means no laundry or cleaning because it hurts to lift anything or reach lift my arm higher then level with my shoulder. Just getting dressed is a pain in the shoulder that makes me scream. Putting on my bra is a new experience in finding ways to try and do it that does not reduce me to tears. Not to mention trying to brush my hair i swear my neighbors must think i am being tortured here when i am trying to brush my hair and there is no one home with me at the time because Son is at school and Roommate is at work.

~~~~ But anyway back to the beautiful snow that is falling outside my window. i wish i could be out there in it and just enjoying the beauty of it. my body just does not like the could though. Son is begging to go sledding but by the time Roommate gets home it will be dark and it is too cold to walk to the sledding hill by ourselves. So hopefully the snow will still be nice and thick on the ground in two weeks when Son is here for a weekend and not at his father's so that we can take him sledding. Maybe his father will take him sledding this weekend but i doubt it.

~~~~ Maybe this weekend i can get Roommate to go for a walk with me through the Park Preserves to take some pictures of the snow on the trees and if there is any freshly fallen snow the snow on the train tracks too. i can see the train tracks out my window and they look beautiful right now but it is too dark to get a picture of them i from my back yard i tried. The big oak trees in the front and back yard look so beautiful with the snow on all their branches too. i will try to get pictures of that soon as well.

~~~~ Sitting here watching M*A*S*H the TV series on DVD on my laptop while i work away at my crocheting. This past weekend Son was at his father's and Roommate was up north visiting his mom so i was home alone from Friday morning to Sunday night. i did something to aggravate and hurt my right shoulder and i do not know what i did or how it did it. i woke up Wednesday morning with what a thought was a stiff neck from sleeping funny but it turns out i did something to my shoulder and not my neck.

~~~~ i can not reach to far in front of my without my shoulder hurting and i can not lift my arm any higher then level with my shoulder or i am in tears. This is my right shoulder too so it really limits what i can do. i have been taking it easy and not over doing it but that does not seem to be helping. So i am going to talk to my mom about what i can do to make it better or what i could have done to hurt it.

~~~~ Any way in an effort to take it easy but still get stuff done this weekend i worked on my crocheting all weekend and got two baby blankets done and more done on the queen sized blanket i am making for one of my brothers and his girlfriend. While working on these i sat and watched M*A*S*H and am now up to Season 5. i love M*A*S*H always have since i was little and watched it with my parents. To me it is timeless and i could watch it all day long as i proved this weekend getting through 5 seasons in just a few days. The only thing i do not like about my M*A*S*H DVDs is that the first four seasons did not have a play all option so i had to get up at the end of every episode and go back to the main menu to pick the next episode.

~~~~ i also broke my Fujifilm FinePix a500 camera. It was on the TV table next to my bed and i accidentally kicked over the table in the middle of the night and the camera hit the wooden floor and broke. Now i need to get a new one of those. i found one on EBAY for around $40 and i need to see if i will have any money in time to get.