Forever In Search Of my Muse

~~~~ Yesterday was the last day of the incense store that i worked at. i have worked there off and on for the three years that it had been open and truly loved it there. They are still open as a business but only on line now http://www.tsrstore.com .

~~~~ my room mate and i drove out to the HIP (Harlem Irving Plaza) and got there at about 5:30pm and i started working on packing all the oils with one other person (Store Girl 1) while the owner and her husband worked on other things and we waited for the other store girl (Store Girl 2) to get there and for the mall to close so that Roommate could bring down his cargo van from the upper level parking to right outside the closest set of doors to the store. Everyone but Store Girl 1 busted there butts all night to get everything done. Store Girl 2 unfortunately had to go home early to relieve her babysitter but she busted her butt while she was there and really helped get a lot done. Store Girl 1 puttered around and pretended to be working but hardly did anything and WHINED and pouted like a little 2 year old. i really do not want to talk about Store Girl 1 though as it will just aggravate me more. Lets just leave it at saying that i told her twice what i thought about her act and behavior. By the end of the night i threw up because of the pain in my lower back and kept working while Store Girl 1 WHINED that she was tired and cried because i had given her a piece of my mind and i did not even yell at her. Believe you me she would have known if i had been yelling at her everyone would have known if i had been yelling at her.

~~~~ So, we worked on packing up the store and getting everything loaded into the cargo van. The first trip took the big stuff to the storage area and the second trip we packed the cargo van, mini van and car to the brim with merchandise and things that were needed in the office for the website. Then we all went to office and the owner, her husband, Roommate, and i unloaded all the vehicles and got the boxes and bins put neatly in the office. Can we guess what Store Girl 1 was doing? You got it whining and crying.

~~~~ We finished all of this at 3:30am and Roommate and i had to drive home still we got home at 4:51am and i had to eat something and take 2 of my Vicodin for my back so i got to bed at 5:40am and then was up at 6:45am to get my son off to school. i got back to bed at around 8am and slept until about 1:45pm. i just hope this does not mess up my sleep schedule. Plus today i have to be so very careful with my back and really can not do what i need to do around the house.

~~~~ The laundry will have to wait for another day i can not bend over to reach the bottom of the washer to get all the clothes out. i feel like a little old lady trying to walk around the house with my hips popping and knees snapping and toes cracking. Hey i am a rice crispy.... Snap Crackle Pop. All i really want to do is go back to bed and lay there sleeping or not just not moving but i can not do that. i have to spend time with my son and try to get somethings around the house done at a slow but steady pace. If i do not move around and do stuff today i am going to be SOOOO very sore tomorrow from all the lifting and everything that i did.

~~~~ i have been crocheting since i was about 13 years old. i remember when i learned to crochet too. i was visiting my great grandmother's trailer with my mom, grandma, and brothers and we were stuck inside because it was raining really hard and great grandma would not let us go outside and play in the rain even though there was no lightening or thunder. So we were all sitting in the living room playing Monopoly and i had lost so i was sitting back and waiting for a new game. i was looking around the room and saw that great grandma had been making these really cute little bags by crocheting them and i knew what crocheting was because i have seen my mom do it all my life. So i asked if someone could teach me how. Great Grandma said she would and got out a ball of variegated red, white, and green Christmas Yarn and started teaching me to do a simple chain stitch and every time my stitches were not just the way she wanted them... an even uniform size that was not too loose or too tight she would take it from me and pull them all out. Mom and Grandma were amazed that i did not get all upset every time she did this because it happened a lot after i would work so hard on it. By the time we left that day i could do a basic chain without a problem and was learning to build it up a single crochet to make a simple blanket, scarf, or something of that nature.

~~~~ i remember going home at the end of the day and my mom letting me go through all of her crochet hooks to find a few that i liked and wanted to work with and then letting me go through all her yarn as well. i found a variegated baby yarn that i really liked and since one of my old babysitters was pregnant with her first child i made her a baby blanket. ( i wish i had pictures of this blanket but i do not i just started taking pictures of all my work) This blanket was not perfect it had one section on the edge where i was still learning to build up the rows correctly and i kept losing a stitch so it came in a bit. When i gave the blanket to the person it was made for and told her it was the first thing i ever made she tried to give it back to me saying i should keep the first thing i ever made and that she was very honored that i would want to give it to her for her baby. i insisted that she keep it. She still has it too and keeps it packed in a her hope chest for her grandchildren to use.

~~~~ Since then i have made and given away many baby blankets in many different styles but never did i use a pattern i just made them up myself. i am just learning to fallow patterns and that is just to make baby hats to give to hospitals for the newborns and other babies there. i have taken that basic pattern and enlarged it to make hats for my son, brothers, and brothers' girlfriends.

~~~~ i love crocheting and find it very relaxing but if i am tired when i start crocheting i will fall asleep with the hook and yarn still in my hand. i have done this several times and my roommate laughs at me and takes the yarn and hook away from me then sends me to bed. It is really sweet of him to do this and he is always so careful when he moves my projects so that he dos not pull any of them out.

~~~~ Right now i am working on a blanket for my friends daughter rippled double stiches (twin bed size), one for my son patchwork granny squares (twin bed size), one for my roommate large two color granny square (queen bed size), and one for myself alternating stitches pattern (queen bed size). Then i have two friends that want me to make blankets for their children so that is 5 more blankets that i need to make i have no idea what size or style yet. Not to mention any of my friends or family that decide to get pregnant and i will have baby blakets to make for them.

~~~~ i have to say though it is a cheap gift to give because the yarn does not cost much and i can make the blanket while i am sitting on the train, watching tv, listening to my son read, or just about anything else. Even though it is a cheap gift in cost most people love the handmade blankets because the time was taken to make the blanket, they are personalized and no two are ever the same so it is always a unique gift.

~~~~ i love to read. i can not get enough of it, it is like an addiction for me i have to buy books and i have to read them. i own hundreds of books myself and have read most of them at least once if not more and have have many that i have bought and want to read. i swear i have to build a new house just for my books and live forever just to read all the books that i want to. i have such an eclectic taste in books that it surprises some to see me go from reading a Young Adult (YA) novel like Evermore by Alyson Noel to reading Le Miserables by Victor Hugo to reading a Historical Fiction (HF) on the Tudor Era to reading Jane Austin. i just do not read horror books just like i do not watch horror movies. Steven King, Dean Koontz, and authors that write in that genre are just not for me. Though i admit i love Dan Brown's books and can not wait for his new one to come out September 15th. i also can not stand the modern classics like Of Mice and Men, Lord of the Flies, The Great Gatsby, Tuck Everlasting, or Catcher in the Rye. Give me Shakespear or Victor Hugo or The Bronte Sisters any day.

~~~~ i swear i would read all day long if i could. MMMM a good candle or some incense burning with music playing in the background, a cup of hot tea and a comfy place to sit or lay down with a light blanket to cuddle under and i am in heaven and could just stay lost there forever in a good book. There have been days when i have been so caught up in a great book that my house works goes undone until my book is finished then i have to play catch up around the house and get everything that i let fall to the wayside done. i just love escaping into a good book and getting lost in the pages until i do not know how much time has passed. i take a book with me everywhere i go and always try to find even a few minutes to read it whenever i can... sitting in the car while it is being gassed up, waiting at a doctor's office, on the train or bus to work, on my breaks, at a resturaunt waiting for my food, while Son is playing at the beach or the playgournd (then it is always something light so i can watch him too), before i go to bed, and best of all with Son.

~~~~ i am trying to instill in Son a love of reading like i have. You can go so many places in books and do so many wonderful things. i want him to love it as much as i do. Right now he and i are reading the Harry Potter books together. He has seen the movies and keeps asking about what is going to happen and why this or that happened in the movie and i keep telling him he needs to read the books to find out but the books were just to daunting of an idea for him so to make it seem like less of a huge deal we read them together each taking a chapter and reading outloud. We have just started this and are on the first book but we will get through all of them eventually and maybe this will encourage him to read other books plus i get to spend quality time with him reading two things i love most. We use the website http://www.scholastic.com/harrypotter/books/pronunciation.htm to pronounce the names and spells correctly. He loves going to that website and hearing how the names are pronounced and even yells at the movies when they say the names wrong. It is so cute. (Don't tell him i said that though he is 10 and boys are not supposed to be cute at that age.)

~~~~ Roommate loves to read as much as i do and has about as many books as i do and a lot of his are for YA or children's books because he loves the stories in them. He has offered to let Son read any of his books that he wants to. Which is really awesome. Roommate and i also lend books to his sister and niece and nephews they love coming over here and going through all our books and seeing what they want to barrow to read. We have been given the nick names of The King and Queen of Books. It is just great to see teenagers and other adults that love to read. More people should do it and watch less TV. if you ask me.

~~~~ i would much rather buy my books from the bookstore or even a garage sale or thrift store then barrow them from a library. Yes, i know it would be much cheaper to barrow them but i do not always want to read them right away when i get them or i want to read them many times like To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee which i have read probably about 75 time so far or The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett which i have probably read just as many times. Not to mention i love the smell and feel of a new book and the sound it makes when you open the cover for the first time. Plus when i buy them i can say they are mine and i can keep them forever or pass them on if i wish.

~~~~ No, i am not pregnant before all questions start. i just can not drink alcohol myself because i am allergic to it. It is not a pretty thing when i drink anything with alcohol, even mouthwash with alcohol gives me trouble so i just stay away from it.

~~~~ But this is about why i do not like being around people who are drinking or have been drinking alcohol.

~~~~ When i was little i am not really sure how old i just know i was much younger and that my oldest half sister and her husband were living with us at the house. i would say i was no more then 5 at the time maybe even younger because it was before we moved to Cincinnati half way through my kindergarten year of school. But anyway, i do not know what time of year it was either but i know it was not Christmas time because there was no tree in the living room even though my dad was reading me The Night Before Christmas that was just my favorite book at the time. Well, my sister and her husband were downstairs in their room and i was upstairs in mine as Dad read me the story and we heard my sister crying, yelling, and screaming for Dad to help her and we heard my brother in law yelling at her to shut up and the sound of someone being hit. i do not remember what Dad said but i do remember saying, "Daddy, that's not part of the book." as Dad swore and closed the book. He looked at me and told me to stay in bed but i did not as soon as he left my room i followed him down the stairs and watched from the bottom stair peeking around into the hallway where the door to my sister's room was. (Now you have to understand that my oldest sister has always been my favorite sister and she has had a lot of problems with drinking and drugs though she and her husband are both sober and clean now.) Dad was pounding on the door and yelling to be let in but the door was locked and my sister was screaming for help. Dad warned my brother-in-law to stop but he did not and he did not open the door when Dad told him to so Dad kicked it in and sent the metal plate on the wall, the one that the door latches and locks into so that you can not just push it open even it it is locked, flying through the room where it nailed my brother-in-law in the forehead. Dad dragged him out of the room and i think out of the house. i do not know what happened after that because Mom saw me standing on the stairs when she was running to the room to check on my sister and see what if any medical help was needed and i got sent back up to my room and told to get my butt in bed right then. Believe me i did, i was scared and i was upset but i really did not know what was going on. i am not sure how much later that night Mom and Dad both came up to my room and told me that my sister was going to be okay and that my brother-in-law had been drinking alcohol and hitting her but that he was gone now so she was safe and so was i and my oldest brother who is two years younger then me. i do not know if they called the police and had my brother-in-law taken away or they just kicked him out, but if they had called the police it would have taken a long time for them to get there because the town i grew up still to this day does not have it's own police force they have to rely on the State Troopers to respond to any call.

~~~~ Now because of that night 20+ years ago i am very uncomfortable around anyone who is or has recently consumed alcohol. i do not like going to bars or parties where alcohol is available, if i ever get re-married i will have a dry reception, i do not like alcohol in my house and i do not like people around Son when they have alcohol in their system. Even when my estranged husband would drink i was very uncomfortable about being around him and he knew this very well but still took me to bars when we would get off from working a concert together or have a few drinks with a dinner when we would go out to eat and once in a while bring it home and have it sitting in the fridge to drink while he was home with the kids. This would upset me to no end and i would repeatedly ask him not to do it but he always would and it always made me feel like he was doing it because i did not want him to.

~~~~ Roommate used to keep a 6 pack in the house so he could have one after work if he wanted to. Now, because it makes me uncomfortable he does not even buy any and he has walked to the bar once in the two years that i have been living here to get a single beer. When my middle brother is out to visit they will buy a couple single beers at the store and sit outside and drink them while they talk and smoke a cigarette or two but that is maybe twice a year. Gee the difference is amazing and Roommate and i are just friends and he is willing to make those changes for me while i rent two rooms from him, yet the man that i was married to and who was supposed to love and respect me would not.

~~~~ i have been so stressed with everything that is going on with my divorce that my health has really been messed up. i swear by the end of this i am going to have an ulcer. i have been eating tums "like candy" lately because of heart burn and acid reflux. i have gained weight because i have taken to eating when i am trying to relax or munching while i am reading a book and not noticing how much i have "munched" until the bag of whatever it was is empty. my sleep has suffered because i either can not fall asleep or i have very strange dreams and i wake up unrested. i have been having anxiety attacks and breaking down in tears for no reason at all or over absolutely stupid insignificant stuff like the toilet did not flush all the way or some other unimportant trivial things.

~~~~ Take Sunday night for example i broke down and cried for three hours and i do not even know what set me to crying. Poor Roommate was trying so hard to help me calm down and relax. He was worried about me and was trying to calm me down so that we could talk and figure out what was upsetting me. Everything that has been upsetting me came pouring out. All the things with my divorce and custody battle and just everything with everything. It is all just too much and i can not take any more of it. my divorce is affecting every other area of my life and i just can not take it anymore. i have been stuck in this holding pattern for over two years now and that does not count the time while i was still living with my estranged and feeling this way. i have not been able to write my poetry for a while now and i do not want to do anything around the house or at work. All i want to do is curl up in a corner somewhere and hide.

~~~~ my friends have told me to try meditating, coloring, crocheting, going for walks, and every other thing that they can think of that used to help me relax and i have tried. i can not seem to meditate because i can not get my mind to stop working and going over everything again and again and trying to figure out how to get out of the situation that i am in and get on with my life. i can not seem to even get up the interest in anything to color it and i have all kinds of coloring books, posters, pictures, and geometric designs that do not hold my interest for more then 10 min.s at a time. i have several blankets that i have started crocheting and not finished because i can not seem to get up the motivation to keep working on them. Therefore they sit there half done waiting for me to come back to them. As for going for walks that is something that i want to do but not by myself and Roommate is busy and my other friends are so far away that i can not just give them a call and say hey go for a walk with me. Not to mention my back and hips are messed up from the accident and the weight i have gained does not help them any. i would just talk to my friends on the phone as i walk but i need someone with me in case something happens with my back or hips and i need help. i know excuses excuses. As i say,"Yeah buts are like rabbits they keep multiplying" and we all now yeah buts are how excuses are started, "Yeah, but ........."

~~~~ i know i need to relax and let this stress go or it is going to kill me. i just need to find a way that works right now. Maybe i should try yoga i always see those yoga shows on TV and i have been calling a lot of yoga studios for work and the list seems to be never ending. Plus listening to music seems to help at least for a little while and so does reading if only i could break the habit of munching while i read. (Chewing gum instead will not work i always end up swallowing the gum right away.) i just wish the divorce and custody battle were done so that all this stress from it would go away.

~~~~ For as long as i have lived in IL. i have wanted to go to the Ren Faire and finally two years ago Roommate took me for the first time because it is not too far from where we live and he loves going there and i had been saying for the years that we have been friends that i have wanted to go.

~~~~ my first year there i found a real corset there that i wanted so badly i saved up all summer for it and bought it for $290. It is a gorgeous reversible purple green and silver with metal stays. i have also gotten a couple sets of Tarot Cards and a set of Runes from there as well as some books. Last year i bought a dress i found that i have always dreamed of having. It is similar to the dress that Vanessa Redgrave wore as Guenevere in the 1967 movie of Camelot.

~~~~ i love to be able to walk around the fair and see all the people that dress up either as Lords and Ladies of the Court or Elves, Fairies, and other forest creatures. It is a lot of fun to just walk around and watch the people. i also enjoy watching the Hawking Demonstrations and the Jousts and Battles. i have always been fascinated by the Elizabethan Era or Tudor Era as it has been called. Some of the shows there are a lot of fun to sit and watch others can be ... well ... shall we say, "Not my style of entertainment" but i like watching other people enjoy them. i really enjoy being able to walk around and call people m'Lord and m'Lady without having everyone look at me like i have lost my mind or something.

~~~~ Son greatly enjoys going there as well and always asks when we will be going back. He has some the wooden swords that they sell there as well as a really nice walking stick that he wanted. He loves to watch the blacksmith and the glassblowers ply their trade as well as the knights and falconers show their skills. The look on his face as he discovers what he thought to be a statue of a fairy to be a work of living art, that is to say a person sitting so still you think they are a statue. They are all over the place if you keep your eyes out for them. They also have rides that my son is always begging to go on that are run my human power not horses or electricity.

~~~~ Roommate has been going for many years and has bought several things there including a staff with a Kudu horn on the top of it as well as his first two Australian Slouch Hats, his leather top hat, and his cane. Son and i got him an incense burner for cone incense in the shape of a skunk with his tail raised. You put the incense cone under the skunk and the smoke comes out the back of it looking like the skunk is spraying. It is really very cute and since my roommate loves skunks it was the perfect birthday gift for him.

~~~~ We all have a great time when we go and i can not wait to go again this year it opens on July 11Th and is open every weekend through Labor Day Weekend. Hopefully this year as in the past two years i will be able to go more then just one weekend. There is so much there that i would still love to get but do not have the money for. Though this year i think i am going to get some of the hand made and hand painted journals that are sold in one of the booths. i just can not wait to see what else is there this year every year it changes a little.

~~~~ This year i am hoping to remember to bring my camera to get pictures of the living art that is walking around and posed all over the Faire Grounds. i have meant to do it the past two years but have never seemed to remember bring my camera when it comes time to go.

~~~~ It has been a few days since the 4Th of July that Sunday i was busy with Son and spending time with him and Monday i worked all day in the store that i work at and today well today was fun, but i will get to that later in this blog.

~~~~ i had a great time on the 4Th Roommate and i took Son to see the fireworks near out home and we all enjoyed them greatly. While waiting for the fireworks to start some stupid teenager through a cheap fire cracker of some kind that he had lit and it landed in the dry grass not to far from us and was still burning but had not gone off like it should have and was smoking really badly. There was a lady not to far that was coughing and commenting as to what an idiot this kid was. Now i had a 2 liter soda bottle with me full of hot water to help with my menstrual cramps so i used the water in the bottle to put out the burning fire cracker of some kind. The lady near us thanked me and i noticed that she had a young boy with here about 5 years old that she had been worried about getting hurt because of that idiot kids actions. This little boy and Son, who just turned 10, became fast friends and they were running abound and having a good time while the fireworks that were actually there to see went off. i greatly enjoyed the show and Son had fun watching them and running around with his new friend. i talked to the lady for a little while and we have become acquaintances that could turn into a good friendship over time. Now we did not do the whole picnic and carnival thing like my family does in Ohio but i still had a great time and so did Son. Plus we are having a problem with mosquitoes out here they are very numerous because of all the wet weather we have been having and make it very hard to stay outside for any length of time without spraying yourself and others with off and or using incense or candles with citronella in them. i use Gonesh Outdoor Incense with citronella and it works if you are going to be sitting in one place and not have kids running all around but i know Son well and that would not have worked for him so i decided to try the OFF Clip Ons that they been advertising on TV for months now and they really worked. What is nice about those is you just turn them on and clip them to you belt or pocket just like you would a cellphone case and they cover you from head to toe and well too without all that nasty oily crap being sprayed all over your skin and hair.

~~~~ Now as to why i said today was fun well it is no longer today as it now after midnight so i will give the date. July 7th i woke up around 6am with my lip feeling funny like it was swollen and numb i really did not think overly much about it and went to find where Roommate had fallen asleep because the TV was still on in the living room and he needed to get up for work. When i found him sitting at his PC in his bedroom wide awake. i asked him what was wrong with my lip because it felt swollen but just my upper lip not my whole mouth or both lips even. He said yes it was swollen and asked what i had been bit by. i told him nothing as far as i know but that it just felt really weird. i took some Claritin and put an icepack on lip. The swelling went down while the ice was on my lip but as soon as the ice was taken off the swelling went right back up again. Roommate was worried about the swelling because of where it was and what it could cause so he stayed home to make sure i was okay and take me somewhere for help if i needed it. i called the doctor's office and they told me to come in. So Roommate drove me to the doctor's office and i was put on a steroid treatment and gave me an EPIPEN as well to always carry with me in case this allergic reaction comes back stronger next time. Because that is what they say this is, an allergic reaction to something that i came in contact with or ate but i have not touched or eaten anything different lately. i just have to be careful and keep a closer eye on the things i am working with to see if it is anything there that caused this.

~~~~ This has gone beyond having a song stuck in my head. i have the whole musical for The Phantom of the Opera stuck in my head. It just keeps running over and over through my thoughts. i will catch myself singing it while i am on hold with a customer or while the phone is ringing and i waiting for them to answer. i even had one of them ask me what i was singing because they heard me when they picked up the phone. i have set parts of the lyrics to different songs as what i am thinking about on my facebook page and everything.

~~~~ i watched the newer version of the movie staring Gerard Butler as The Phantom and Emmy Rossum as Christine Daae not to long ago. Then i saw a special on the Ovation channel about the making of The Phantom of the Opera. Maybe this is why it is now stuck in my head the way that it is.

~~~~ i have several versions of the sound track for the Stage Play as well as the movie, and then some Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber compilation Cd's that have many of the songs from The Phantom of the Opera on them. i own and have read a book Unmasqued: an Erotic Novel of The Phantom of the Opera by Colette Gale. For all of you who thought that Christine should have stayed with Eric this is the book for you. Well that and if you like very highly erotic books. As well as owning and having read the original book by Gaston Leroux and have seen the silent version of the movie staring Lon Chaney, Mary Philbin, and Norman Kerry. i have had the great privilege of seeing The Phantom of the Opera on stage while i lived in Ohio years ago and would love, love ,love to see it again on stage here in Chicago. i even remember the marching band for my high school back in Ohio preforming music from the stage play for our halftime show. An old friend of mine and i used to listen to and sign along with the soundtrack as we cleaned the church that i used to belong to in Ohio as well.

~~~~ i guess you could say i have always loved The Phantom of the Opera. i used to have snow globes and music boxes with The Phantom of the Opera but i no longer have those. They were packed away long before i left my estranged husband and they got left with him when i moved out because i did not know where they were. Or how i would be able to take them all with me without them breaking. Maybe one day i will start my collection again but i know i will never have some of the things that i had before because they were from The San Fransisco Music Box Company and they have long since closed. i might find some of them on E-Bay or Amazon and if i am really lucky at garage sales but i am sure i will never find all of them again.

~~~~ You could say that my day started at the very beginning of June 19th at 12am. i had one of my horrible migraines and all i wanted to do was take my meds and get to sleep but Mother Nature had other plans and sent a not so nice lightening storm our way. i finally fell asleep at i do not know what time but i know my meds were working because i had my usual dream. (DO NOT ASK.) When i woke up at 6am to get ready for work i had a mild headache and was able to deal with that by taking Excedrin Migraine. Roommate drove me to the train station at 7am and there were tree branches all over the streets and one even tried to grab my car so we had to stop and make it let go. Thankfully it was only misting this morning and not pouring rain but my train was delayed by about 15mins because of debris on the tracks. i am also so very thankful that there was no lightening while i was on the train or either one of my buses.

~~~~ Once i got to work at about 9:30am it was a different story and i am just very thankful that i work in a mall and my store does not face any windows where i could see outside at all but i still heard it all. It was raining so hard at times it sounded like a train was on the roof of the mall and i could hear the thunder clapping and rolling off and on all day. At 7pm Roommate was at the mall to pick up Son and i and bring us home. Right before we were ready to leave it was raining so hard it looked like it was coming down in solid sheets of water and the lightening was flashing everywhere. As we were leaving the power in half the mall went out and i called my store to let my boss know that half the mall was out and she said that the other half was flickering. By the time we got out of the parking garage the rain had slowed down a lot but was still coming down pretty hard and the wind was really blowing. Roommate gave me his hat to cover my face with so that i did not have to see all the lightening..... i think every time i jumped from a flash of lightening i distracted him a little and that really was not a good thing. So i hid my eyes for a little while but my headache was back and leaning my head back with the hat over my face was not helping it any not to mention the fact that i was starting to get really hungry because i forgot to bring a lunch with me today.

~~~~ Everyone loves a picture of a beautiful landscape or a well drawn piece of art but what about the stuff most people do not find beautiful? Weeds in the yard or an over grown garden? There are some who think that is beautiful too. But what about in a person who does not look like "everyone else"? Who dresses the way they want to and acts the way they want to rather then the way that "everyone else does"? Can you see the beauty in them? i wish everyone could answer that yes but more and i more i see that society can not.

~~~~ i dress my own way and wear what i want to and i get strange looks for it because i am dressed slightly different then the "norm". When they see what is around my neck most think it is just a charm or pendent with a crescent moon and a star. It is not until they look closer and see that it is a pentagram that they are offended and i get all kinds of rude, nasty, and ignorant comments for it. i do dress more conservatively when i am at work then i think and some mistake me for thinking that way. i had one customer in my store ask me if i thought it was as gross as she did to see another customer in my store that was covered in tattoos and not trying to hide them. When i told her that i have three tattoos of my own her jaw hit the floor. She thought that because my hair was up in a very neat and tight bun and i was wearing my glasses that i was going to be as offended by this person's appearance as she was. Now yes they had a lot of tattoos and they were all beautiful works of art on their body and it is how they chose to express them self. When i am not at work i do not walk around with my breasts hanging out or any thing like that and my clothes are not skin tight but they are a little more revealing. i love long flowing skirts and they are now in style but i have been wearing them for years and everyone used to say i was trying to dress like a hippie or some such non-sense. No i was just being true to myself and dressing the way i am comfortable.

~~~~ my brother who has several facial piercings, long hair, walks around with his cane, wears an Australian Slouch Hat (think Van Helsing), and his trench and he gets told, "Halloween is over freak" or "Hey Van Helsing wannabe get a life." The hat he wears because he likes it, the piercings are a form of self expression that he wanted, the cane the thing most people think he carries because he wants to "pimp it" well .... that is there because he can not walk without it. my brother is one of the most generous people you will ever meet if you need something he is the first person to try and help you even if it is something that he really should not be doing because of his injuries. But people do not see that in him and it makes me sick.

~~~~ Now i have a very dear friend who is drop dead gorgeous, she could be a model for any major designer label but she does not want to be. She wears big baggy clothes to hide her perfect body and goes around with no makeup on. She is shy and worried about people liking her for what she looks like and not who she is. She learned very young in life that when people think you are beautiful they do not really care what you think or have to say. So she tries to hide her beauty to find someone that loves her for who she is not what she looks like.

~~~~ If you think of the people in your life like flowers in a garden. Are all your flowers exactly the same or do you have a large variety of flowers? Even some others might think of as weeds?